Resolution one: No swearing.
This one isn’t even my fault, in fact it was totally beyond my control so I don’t even blame myself. Sometimes in life we are faced with challenges we can’t avoid and we react with hostility, it is normal. Sometimes aggression can’t be helped. So if I go ahead and politely tell the Starbucks barista that my name isn’t ‘Katrina’ how about you don’t tell me to lower my voice when I am already using my volume 4, indoor voice. How about then you don’t go get the manager and make me shove an old lady and call you an ‘Absolute &*%£ with no f$*&ing common sense, you piece of total $£$*, asking me to $£%&ing use my indoor $%&*ing voice. Go &%$£ yourself.’ Some people are just disgusting.
Resolution two: To do more things that my boyfriend likes.
How about don’t antagonise me when you already know how stressed I am about breaking my no swearing resolution. You know asking me to go go-carting is gonna send me full-on off the rails. Also getting a barring order? Really funny. You $%&*ing a%%hole.
Resolution three: To put more thought into my life choices instead of being a reckless mess who makes decisions on a whim and Eight Tequila shots.
Ok, so got a tattoo but I totally thought about it for at least half an hour while the tattoo artist set up.
Resolution four: To stop breaking up with my boyfriend on a weekly basis.
Turns out getting a tattoo of your boyfriend’s name on a whim will lead to him having a discussion with you about how ‘intense’ and ‘suffocating’ you can be. That then leads to a raging argument at the wake of a good family friend. He uses that as an opportunity to give you a lecture about there being a ‘time and place’ for things etc. Broke right up with that loser.
Resolution five: To stop writing blog-posts about my real-life experience because it upsets my boyfriend (Philip Larney) and my Parents because it is an ‘invasion of privacy’ and ‘down right disrespectful’.