Five things I learned from Christmas shopping this week.

  1. It’s totally ok to be as rude as you like.

It is Christmas after all, the time of taking! You want the last scarf on sale as well? Sure, go right ahead and snatch it from me like a wild animal. I’m fine with that. Here, you want my coffee too?

  1. People are wonderfully honest.

You just came in for some lipstick for your mother but now the make-up artist is pointing out your ‘fine creases’ and ‘starter crows feet’. That’s fine, you never liked your face that much anyway, better buy all of the expensive products to fix the problem you didn’t know you had!

  1. It’s ok to avoid people.

There you are, casually browsing books for your dad when…oh no…there he is, your crazy ex! Just quietly shuffle to an aisle further away and stay calm. Oh no, he’s spotted you just as you’ve entered the self-help aisle, ha, isn’t this funny?! Best thing to do is to just point out that you don’t need a self-help book. ‘HEY, YOU, HAHA, I KNOW YOU SEE ME HERE, IN THE NEEDY AISLE BUT I REALLY JUST DID IT TO AVOID YOU. I’M FINE. I DON’T NEED ANY CHICKEN SOUP FOR MY SOUL. HA. HA. HA. WHO’S THAT? YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND?’

Solid, well played, super slick.

  1. People give unsolicited advice at Christmas.

Yeah and apparently this is totally fine. So, don’t be surprised when you decide to buy sexy underwear for your boyfriend that the sales assistant will insist you buy a push up bra and some gel inserts and a vest.

  1. Don’t ask strangers for advice.

Sweet old lady? Nah, think again, she hates you and everything you represent. When you try and explain your Adele or Taylor Swift present dilemma she might genuinely spit on you?!

-CK

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