Ten things my mother and I argued about last week.

  1. How deaf she is.

I yell, she can’t hear. I yell louder, she gets mad. I just can’t win. If you can’t hear me yelling ‘I THINK I HAVE THRUSH’ then I have to yell it louder, why are you pissed? So, half of Starbucks is staring? IT IS NOT MY FAULT YOU CAN’T HEAR ME.

  1. Clothing choices.

Actual conversation surrounding a dress for a social outing.

Mother: ‘This is lovely, I love the pattern’.

Me: *Silence*

Mother: ‘Well??? What do you think?’

Me: ‘I think the 60s called and they want their potato sack back.’

Mother: ‘What?’

Me: ‘I THINK THE 60S CALLED AND THEY WANT THEIR POTATO SACK BACK.’

Mother: ‘Why are you yelling?’

Me: *Counting backwards from ten and taking shallow breaths*

Mother: ‘Did you say you want it back? What? Want what back?’

Me: ‘I hate this dress. It is fugly’.

Mother: ‘Fugly?’

Me: ‘JESUS I AM NOT WEARING THIS PIECE OF SHIT.’

Mother: ‘You are so rude.’

3. Facebook.

I literally can not cope with this one. First thing that trigger the argument is my mother somehow forgets the word ‘Ipad’ every time she asks me to go get it for her. How? Your guess is as good as mine. I am very annoyed at this point already and then it just blows up from there. It usually goes off from here.

Mother: ‘Christina, all of my friends deleted me? How? Why?’

Me: ‘What? What do you mean?’

Mother: ‘I cant see any of their statuses, I can only see me own.’

*At this point I get up and go look*

Me: ‘That is because you are on your own page, not your home page.’

Mother: ‘What is a home page?’

Me: ‘I can’t cope’.

Mother: ‘What?’

Me: ‘I CAN’T COPE’.

Mother: ‘WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME AGAIN?’

  1. How much Radiographers earn.

  1. My swearing. Should I even elaborate on this one?

  1. My lack of basic mathematical skills.

        I thought 80+80 was 190 and she seemed mildly enraged by this.

  1. My repetitive and ‘insufferable’ singing of ‘It’s a small world’.

  1. Planet of the apes.

  1. When I thought she said ‘George Mooney’, a guy we know, instead of ‘George Clooney’. This lead to a huge amount of confusion.

  1. Whether or not it was raining outside.

-C.K

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