1. That you plan your social life around the TV schedule. You can’t go out for Debbie’s 22nd birthday the same night of the Teen Mom 2 reunion episode, obviously. Just send Debbie a nice bunch of flowers, wait, no, you’re kind of a broke loser right now, just send Debbie your…ehh…kind regards, yeah that should do it.
2. That you eat the cookie dough out of the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and just leave the crappy vanilla ice-cream for everyone else. You are a growing girl. People need to back off.
3. That you have failed your driving test so much that by the 4th and 5th attempt you were trying anything. Going from flirty, single gal who has a driving tester fetish to a gal who needs her license so she can get to and from the disadvantaged school she works at where she reads to the blind kids.
4. That you were born prettier than everyone else. Not your fault. If it were up to you, you’d be just slighty above average but you were cursed with ice blue eyes and a body that one can bounce coins off.
5. That your smug friends just moved in together and last week your boyfriend choked on his steak when you said a word that sounded like ‘marriage’.
6. That your friends are joking about baby names and you can’t even accidentally trick your boyfriend into getting you preggers.
7. That Philip literally avoids every conversation in which you make some suggestion about moving in together even though you read one of his texts to Mark about them possibly getting a place together.
8. That he keeps pushing you away when you’re just trying to love him.
9. THAT HE DIDN’T BUY YOU THAT DIAMOND RING YOU HINTED SO HEAVILY AT LAST TIME YOU GUYS WENT SHOPPING.
10. THAT HE CAN’T GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH TO JUST MAKE AN HONEST WOMAN OUT OF YOU.
**I would like to dedicate this post to my now ex-boyfriend and possible future husband Philip.