Today’s revelation was that the ‘mince’ in mince pies ISN’T EVEN MINCE. Why would they do that to us? I just don’t understand. I feel betrayed. I feel sick but most of all, I feel dirty.
That guy in the library sniffed my hair again. Nobody believes me. He really gives me the creepies.
That asshole just sniffed ANOTHER girl’s hair? WTF? Do I mean nothing to him? What a dick.
HE JUST SNIFFED THE HAIR OF THE 60 YEAR OLD LIBRARIAN. MY LIFE IS LITERALLY THE SADDEST.
Had an argument with my mother over hat sizes.
I think I might have a rare genetic condition. I googled my symptoms. I have written a Will. Mum, Dad, if you are reading this my will is under the Book-case in my room. Also, I know I blamed the dog for the Christmas eve disaster of 2012 but it was me, I vomited on the tree because I was drunk as hell. I also made a really funny drunken video where I do impressions of you guys, it is saved in a folder on my computer entitled ‘Them and Me: the child they never wanted.’
An old woman called me ‘Son’.
Shamelessly cried in the bathroom of Starbucks because they were out of Eggnog Lattes.
Tried to make a vegan meal In an attempt to eat more healthily but then ended up burning the f%&**ng Eggplant (??) and ordering a Dominos. The woman on the other end knew my voice. Felt sad and proud of that.
I have a feeling today is going to be a good day.
Bird just sh*t on me, some school kids laughed at me and when I told them to ‘f%&* off’ a random, old woman hit me with her bag???? WHO DOES THIS HAPPEN TO?!!??!?!?
Whilst queuing at lunch someone said she liked my shoes and then followed it with ‘Jesus, you have like, tiny feet. Proper dwarf-like’.
Dad made me hot chocolate and told me stories of his youth. Suspiciously enough a ‘friend’ of his was a wild child.
Today is Graduation day. I feel prepared. I feel ready to become a woman.
Parents are pissed because I lost the graduation tickets and the car-park voucher and batteries for the camera. Like, don’t they know this is MY day?
All over! I have officially graduated. I feel so wise. I feel so alive.
After dad making a mini speech about how I will suddenly get smarter and wiser, I realised I hadn’t seen my actual degree since I left the conferring hall and had a panic attack.
Found the degree in the car. I found the funny side. Nobody else did.
I think my boyfriend just mispronounced my name on the phone.
My aunt just accused me of taking a sip of her wine, why are people so mean to me?
Reflecting on how graceful I have become since graduating.