How to quickly and easily solve a silly misunderstanding which entailed your boyfriend saying yes to an accidental marriage proposal.

  1. Assess the damage.

Check out how into the whole thing he is? You are probably exaggerating and worrying for nothing!

Ok, so he somehow has wedding magazines and won’t stop crying? They could just belong to a friend and he cries all the time, last week he cried with joy when he saw Shrimp was on the lunch menu at his favourite restaurant.

  1. Gently explain the misunderstanding to him.

He’ll probably laugh it off, when he is done reading ‘#Groom2014’.

  1. Prepare for your new life.

What kind of flowers do you want at your wedding and will you send out old fashioned invites or E-vites? Also, will you get to go cake tasting? Should you just cancel your gym membership now? Will you be on your period that day? Shit.

  1. Break-up the arguments between him and his parents.

Ok so they are not paying for the fairy-tale style horse and carriage and your boyfriend is crushed. Also your future mother in law has called you a ‘two-faced sk#nk’ three times in the last hour.

  1. CALL THE TABLECLOTH GUY BECAUSE THE FABRIC ISN’T F%&*ING EGYPTIAN.

 

  1. TELL THAT ASSHOLE MAID OF HONOUR THAT SHE IS OUT OF THE WEDDING AND MAY AS WELL JOIN THE OLD BEST MAN THAT DAY BECAUSE NEITHER OR THEM ARE INVITED.

 

  1. Schedule when you want to cry because there simply isn’t enough time. You have 40 minutes between your dress fitting and collecting the cake-topper. Pop into a near-by fast food restaurant and sob frantically in the toilets for half an hour, assault an employee for grilling you on whether or not you actually purchased anything, grab a choc milkshake to go and flip off the establishment as you drive off.

 

  1. GET A NEW WEDDING DRESS BECAUSE THE OLD ONE DOESN’T FIT BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN STRESS EATING BECAUSE HIS MOTHER IS A TOTAL WITCH AND NOBODY EVEN NOTICED YOU LOST A POUND THIS MONTH.

 

  1. Call your lawyer about the DUI you got last night and make sure not to give into another breakfast burrito on your way to counselling.

 

  1. Don’t act like one of those kids on ‘My super sweet 16’ on the wedding day and have your boyfriend break up with you and leave in a car with his parents.

-C.K

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