The five main things that are apparently not ok to say to pregnant women or new mothers.

So apparently pregnant women and new mothers are more hormonal than the main character of Carrie in a viewing of The Notebook. If you didn’t know this then you probably said something thy considered ‘insensitive’ or ‘rude’. Please enjoy these simple steps in avoiding offending them or sending them into early labour with anger.

1. ‘What is it?’

Yeah, been there. Is it a baby? A blob? I don’t really know but apparently it is not ok to say this because it’s ‘offensive’. You know what is offensive though? Showing me photos of your crazy eyed, sticky handed infant when I am trying to eat my lunch. I didn’t ask for it. The child may or may not be handling his/her own faeces in the photo and THIS is just not ok. What if I randomly whipped out a pic of myself, faeces in hand, laughing, in a half opened onesie while you sipped your soup? Appropriate?

2. ‘Wait, did you say he can count? Isn’t that really f*&^i@g basic?’

Big no-no. You will get a lecture on how four year old George (who you saw eat a ladybird three days ago) is a gifted genius. Must I even say more?

3. ‘Why are you still so fat? You gave birth like a month ago?’

This one will land you in the dog house with the whole family. They will frown upon your ‘inappropriate conduct at a good friend’s house’. Your mother wrapped up their home baked goods in tissues and put them in her bag for later but YOU were inappropriate.

 

4. ‘No, I don’t want to hold it.’

Queue complete silence in the room as a female did not want to hold the baby, I repeat did NOT want to hold the baby. Next thing you know your granny has the rosary beads out and everyone is lighting candles for your salvation. If your family is particularly oppressive they may even start talking about how when you have your own child it’ll be the ‘making of you’ etc. If you seem unresponsive the priest will casually be at tomorrow night’s dinner discussing the wonders of child raising.

5. ‘You have gotten like really hairy since you got preggers. Like proper ogre level of hairy. Monkey level even.’

After my stint in A&E and holding ice to my eye for about 3 hours I realised that probably wasn’t the right thing to say. Monkey was inaccurate, chimp would have been more appropriate.

-C.K

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3 thoughts on “The five main things that are apparently not ok to say to pregnant women or new mothers.

  1. OH, Honey, you have no idea how much I enjoyed this. I have a new mom next door to me, and she just about wants to kill me. She is even running her hubs out of the house. She is SO horrible! Did I say horrible? She is SO angry about everything. I am taking care of HER cats in HER barn and yet she hates me. Gee. What did I miss here? Thank you again for your brand of humor. It lifted my spirits. And no I do NOT want to touch that child. She also calls her two offspring “children” and when I said KIDS the silence was enough to strangle me. Honest to goodness, some women should NOT have KIDS. xxoo, Amy

    • Hahaha finally! Someone understands my rant! My pain! She sounds quite terrible. Sorry you have to deal with her. People are never honest enough about how annoying pregnant women can be! Thanks for taking the time to read my post Amy. ❤ xoxo

      • You are welcome, Christina. I would love to wring this woman’s neck to be perfectly honest with you. Everyone tiptoes around her and lets her act rude and crude and mean. I stand up to her. Hummmm……Not taken too well. LOL xxoo

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