Four months of Facebook statuses and what they taught me about myself.

The statuses and the lessons I learned from them. 

I love reading all of these New Year statuses knowing you’ll all be lying in a pool of your own vomit mere hours from now! My hopes for the new year are pretty achievable I think: get my braces off and finally become a man, try not to cry when I read anything biochemistry related, to stop referring to people I know as ‘curly head’ or ‘tall guy’ and learn their actual names and to stop justifying my actions with lame catch phrases.

December 31st, 2013.

 

 

Two exams and three days to go and I can finally say I have hit rock bottom. I have reached that point of no return….the I better organise my pens, listen to every song ever, change religion, start practicing my new religion, stare at strangers out my bedroom window even when they see me, just cos and then laugh because biochemistry words are funny and bacteria are funny and everything is funny and I’m funny and the guy who just fell outside is funny and he sees me laughing and I don’t even feel bad. #PullingAnEmilyDickinson. #WhyWontTheseExamsEnd.

December 18th, 2013.

 

 

Exam stress has started to take it’s toll….I don’t think I can see colours anymore…does that make sense? Everything is just grey. Also I’m pretty sure I’ve aged more this last week than in the last 20 years..There is no light at the end of the tunnel..or tunnel…my tunnel is blocked with notes and books and haunting memories of previous exams…Slowly losing it…

December 9th, 2013.

 

 

My brain hates me. I know nothing about any of my modules but I did do a lot of googling to find out what ‘starships’ are and why they’re ‘meant to fly’. Before that I was looking and pics of cats. PROCRASTINATION AT IT’S WORST? OR BEST? HELP?

December 2nd, 2013

 

 

Kanye West’s latest video is beautiful. It’s nice to see that true chivalry still exists. I mean, getting her a drink after ahemming her over the sink, not many men think of how thirsty a woman can get. #RomanceisStillAlive. #Bound #SoJelOfThatKimK

November 26th, 2013.

If I meet one more asshole who is going as a ‘sexy (insert any profession or animal)’ as Halloween I may actually crack. Are you missing a chromosome or are you just unusually twat-like?

October 26th, 2013.

 

 

Not really feeling science anymore, I think I’m more of a basket weaving kinda gal. Science and I had a good run though.

October 17th, 2013.

 

You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you have endless pages of notes scattered all over the desk and the floor and you’ve got crazy eyes singing along to songs that frequently refer to ‘da club’. College: where dreams are made.

October 15th, 2013.

 

Ok so apparently apple pie isn’t one of your ‘five-a-day’ and apparently it’s totally ok to tell someone this while they’re innocently talking about their impressive apple intake. Also apparently it’s totally not ok to ask ‘what is it?’ when someone shows you a photo of their baby. #AwkwardDay

October 7th, 2013.

 

‘Phonecall home to the parents, that’ll cheer me up.’ Famous last words. When I asked ‘what is the new puppy like?’ My mam said: ‘He has an old fashioned face.’ Then dad chimed in: ‘yeah, he looks like he’s from the 60s’. Like…what?

September 24th, 2013.

 

You know your early semester procrastination has begun when you’re cleaning your laptop keyboard and trying to count your teeth with your tongue while your biochem notes are open in front of you. Week 3 and I have already forgotten how to be a person. If anyone needs me I’ll be hibernating in my room trying to see if I stay quiet enough can I hear my roommate breathing. A+++s coming my way!!

September 23rd, 2013.

 

1) Ok, the obvious one.I am clearly extremely passive aggressive in all of these, might need a few therapy sessions to get to the bottom of that but as the family motto goes ‘why get counselling when we can be hateful to those we love most?’

2) I clearly have some hostility towards my degree. I guess that all started when I found out Hogwarts wasn’t a real place and was shipped off to a muggle University before I could say ‘haven’t the foggiest.’

3) My hatred towards girls dressing as ‘sexy’ things for Halloween…come on…surely everyone but the neanderthal men out there hate this too? Sexy Crayon, like, really?!??! Sexy nerd, it’s just a normal gal wearing glasses and lingerie?!?

4) My apparently poor diet..how was I supposed to know apple pie wasn’t that healthy? I ain’t no doctor!

5) My apparent inability to successfully study without some form of mental breakdown or collapse…study is hard! Becoming Marie Curie obviously isn’t that easy! Especially not when you have the concentration level of a six year old.

6) My creepiness towards my roommates…I don’t even know why I think that’s ok. It’s hardly my fault I can hear them breathe through the walls.

7) My parents adding to the ridiculousness of my life. It’s hard to be normal when you’re being raised by Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand in Meet the Fockers.

 

I’ve chosen to leave a lot of lessons out because it’s important an healthy to be in denial about your issues, right? By the time I got to 7 I was rocking back and forth and calling out for my mamsy to hold me.

 

-CK.

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6 thoughts on “Four months of Facebook statuses and what they taught me about myself.

  1. Oh god, I had to take biochemistry as a module last semester, it was such a torture!
    As for the braces part, lucky you! At least you’re getting it off soon. I just got mine on a few months ago, so there is still a long way to go.
    And I totally share your sentiments about Hogwarts. I was absolutely heart-broken when I didn’t get my letter when I turned 11.
    Great post, it was an entertaining read. 🙂

    • I feel your pain! ❤ Biochemistry is not a friend of mine! Oh really? Well, I'm sure it'll be worth it when you have beautifully straight teeth! I was supposed to get mine off this month but now I'm told it'll be more like March or April. Not fun. Braces are not a walk in the park! Hahaha, I'm so glad someone knows my pain of not receiving a letter on your 11th birthday. I was devastated. Thanks so much for reading it! I love getting comments! ❤

      • Yeah, I hated it!
        I swear, my teeth hurt sooo much the first few days I put the rubber bands. But, I guess no pain, no gain.
        I’m definitely looking forward to getting nice teeth.

        Aww maan, I hope you get it off soon!

        I’m crazy about Harry Potter. Any Potter references and I get excited hehe.

        You’re welcome!

      • Rubber bands! You have them too? I thought I was the only one! They’re awful! True that! Haha, nice teeth is the least we deserve after all that! Haha, I am also a Potter fan…maybe ‘fan’ isn’t strong enough. It’s a bit of an obsession. Thanks for reading ❤

      • Yeap! I have “vampire” teeth at the top of my mouth, so they need bands to pull them below and all sorts of things. Apparently my jaw is too small for all my teeth, so I had to have 4 extracted.
        Lol, haha, I know what you mean, I obsess over HP too.

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