7) Don’t get drunk with them too early on.
Everyone says it’s a way of bonding, a great idea etc. It’s not. You wake up the next day smiling to yourself at the new-found bond you’ve created with your new roommate. You can’t remember all the details but you remember a lot of laughing. He is in the room beside you clearly remembering all the things you told him. You never did get over the death of your cat/soul-mate Mr. Smiggles and you still cry about it in the shower, the way you kind of, casually stalked a guy in your class for two solid years, even sneaking into his room while he was asleep, the way you aren’t entirely sure of your stance on the whole Life thing, the way you might, kind of be addicted to Neurofen, that time you had a thing for a guy who turned out to be your second cousin, the way you yelled everything you said. You can barely remember a thing he told you and he seems like a great guy. He’s in the room beside you emailing the Res office to request a room switch.
8) Don’t get paranoid.
Seems simple, right? But it happens. You casually notice that you have less biscuits than you did yesterday and your milk looks about a mouthful lower than normal. Your mind starts to wander. Next thing you know it’s finals week, you’ve had no sleep for four days, eight cups of coffee, two energy drinks and a knife to the suspected roommate’s throat.
9) Don’t get too comfortable.
Nobody likes the guy who comes out of his room at 11pm in his onesie to make warm milk the way ‘mammy’ does it. Potential as being seen in any way sexual = ruined.
10) Don’t start to over-think things.
This happens really easily when you’ve been out three nights in a row and have been hung over every day for the last month. Your mind isn’t working properly, things are a little hazy, you’re thinking about specific things more than you normally would and you don’t even realise it. Your roommate states:
‘You look tired, are you ok?’
That smug, American Ba*$%&d is always commenting on how I look.
‘Are you feeling ok?’
Ha. Cheek of him. Now I look ill, do I Mike? That piece of sh%t. Who does he think he is? Look at him, eating that cereal like it’s goin’ out of fashion. Greedy twat.
Your friendly American roommate now thinks you’re a Jerry Springer case with anger issues. Congrats.
11) Don’t be too friendly at first.
Keep your distance at first, some people can be a little single white female when it comes to new friends. Don’t go in all guns blazing. Sure at first the cutesy ice cream dates, the kite flying and the dance lessons together all seem adorable. Try thinking that when she starts walking into your room without knocking, giving you unsolicited advice on bleaching your facial hair, referring to your boyfriend as ‘our boyfriend’ and waking up at 4am to her face pressed against yours. Try talking to her about it? Sure, go ahead, as long as you don’t mind being in a body bag hours from now.